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Pleasing both bride and groom
I am planning and cooking for my brother's wedding
My brother is in Afghanistan and his fiancee is in Germany. I am in Virginia planning their wedding and reception for 100 people that starts at 6:30 and ends at 9:00. He wants BBQ, potato salad, coleslaw, and baked beans along with the fruit and veggie trays, and she wants finger foods: ham sandwiches, meatballs, chicken salad sandwiches, etc. along with the veggie and fruit trays. what can i do to keep them both happy and how much should i get to make it? Thanks.
Since everyone will be hungry, and there is at least an hour between the service and the dinner, while the pictures are done, and so forth, the solution here is to do a great appetizer table featuring the bride's favorites, followed by dinner with the groom's BBQ. For example:

Appetizer table
Punches (alcoholic and non, if alcohol is being served)
Fruit tray for 100, see fruit tray page
Cocktail meatballs, 1 pound per 5-6 people, toothpicks
tea sandwiches, 200 pieces each chicken salad and deviled ham (if OK with bride, is easier to do) or thin sliced ham, on thin-sliced bread. See the tea sandwich articles. 1 regular sandwich makes 4 pieces. These have to be done day-of.

Dinner buffet
BBQ entrees, see BBQ and brisket page for help with quantities
Have at least 1 pack of veggie burgers for the vegetarian eaters in the crowd, unless you are sure there are none.
potato salad, 4 gallons
coleslaw, 3 gallons
baked beans, 3 gallons
veggie trays with dip, see veggie tray page, consider doing a relish tray and a smaller veggie tray

Dinner coffee
Iced tea

This will not be too much food, and all get their preferences.